From struggle to thrive
From struggle to thrive
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The last month or so was full of struggling for me. Parenting struggles, weather struggles, and health struggles. Steady, pounding and relentless, like the guy with the drum in Ben Hur. None of them alone overwhelming (well, maybe a couple - but I’m used to a certain degree of overwhelm.) but for heavens sake Just.Knock.It.Off.Already.
With March comes spring, and I couldn’t be more ready. I am starting to come out of the mini crash I had. When you have a chronic illness and you start feeling really bad, you never know how long it will last. Will you be like this for a day or two? A month? Will it be a year?
I was lucky this time and it seems to be a matter of days instead of months. There but for the grace of God and pharmaceuticals -go I again. But the self care involved with this stupid illness is ironically exhausting! I feel like I’m in a sum zero game involving a cycle of exercise, food choices, medicine, and doctors visits in order to feel good enough to exercise, make dinner, and go to the doctor ...
With Spring comes hopes of more energy. What will I do with it? In the immediate I am doing Walking in the World by Julia Cameron. It is the successor to The Artist’s Way. A wonderful woman I met through Mondo Beyondo is facilitating. I’m starting to feel a bit replenished. Baseball season has started (Shut up -Spring Training does too count.) We find out what games we are going to later today. The Philly Flower Show starts on Sunday, and our plans are to go on that first day.
I have the Italian Rosetta Stone software loaded on my computer and just waiting for me to tackle it. My attention span has been so pitiful from not feeling well that I haven’t really been able to dig in. It is starting to make me feel more guilty than excited. I hope to change that soon.
I’ve spent so many years in this space. The area between a POTS crash and living a normal life. It looks like living, but it feels like limbo. It isn’t good enough anymore. I want to thrive.